Description

Chapter 2 – Planning your Message                 Name: _________

Writing Improvement Exercises

Audience Benefits and the "You" View

Revise the following sentences to emphasize the perspective of the audience and the "you" view.

We have prepared the enclosed form that may be used by victims to report identity theft to creditors.

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To help us process your order with our new database software, we need you to go to our website and fill out the customer information required.

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We are now offering RapidAssist, a software program we have developed to provide immediate technical support through our website to your employees and customers.__________________________

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We find it necessary to restrict parking in the new company lot to those employee vehicles with "A" permits.   

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To avoid suffering the kinds of customer monetary losses experienced in the past, our credit union now prohibits the cashing of double-endorsed cheques presented by our customers.________________

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Conversational but Professional

Revise the following sentences make the tone conversational yet professional.

Per your recent e-mail, the undersigned takes pride in informing you that we are pleased to be able to participate in the Toys for Tots drive.________________________________________________

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Pursuant to your message of the 15th, please be advised that your shipment was sent August 14.

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Yo, Jeff! Look, dude, I need you to sweet talk Ramona so we can drop this budget thingy in her lap.

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BTW, Danika was totally ticked off when the manager accused her of ripping off office supplies. She may split.

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He didn't have the guts to badmouth her 2 her face.

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Positive and Courteous Expression

Revise the following statements to make them more positive.

Employees are not allowed to use instant messaging until a company policy is established.

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We must withhold authorizing payment of your consultant's fees because our CPA claims that your work is incomplete.

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Plans for the new health center cannot move forward without full community support.

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This is the last time I'm writing to try to get you to record my October 3 payment of $359.50 to my account! Anyone who can read can see from the attached documents that I've tried to explain this to you before.

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Although you apparently failed to read the operator's manual, we are sending you a replacement blade for your food processor. Next time read page 18 carefully so that you will know how to attach this blade.

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Bias-Free Language

Revise the following sentences to reduce gender, racial, ethnic, age, and disability bias.

Every employee must wear his photo identification on the job.

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The conference will offer special excursions for the wives of executives.

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Does each salesman have his own smartphone loaded with his special sales information?

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A little old lady returned this item.________________________________________

Serving on the panel are a lady veterinarian, an Indian CPA, two businessmen, and a female doctor.

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Plain Language and Familiar Words 

Revise the following sentences to use plain language and familiar words.

The salary we are offering is commensurate with remuneration for other managers.

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To expedite ratification of this agreement, we urge you to vote in the affirmative.

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In a dialogue with the manager, I learned that you plan to terminate our contract.

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Did your e-bike's braking problem materialize subsequent to our recall effort?

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Pursuant to your invitation, we will interrogate our agent.________________________

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Precise, Vigorous Words

From the choices in parentheses, circle the most precise, vigorous words.

Government economists (say, hypothesize, predict) that employment will (stabilize, stay the same, even out) next year.

The growing number of (people, consumers, buyers) with (devices, gadgets, smartphones) provides an (idea, indicator, picture) of economic growth.

Although international trade can (get, offer, generate) new profits and (affect, lower) costs, it also introduces a (different, higher, new) level of risk and complexity.

The World Bank sees international trade as a (good, fine, vital) tool for (decreasing, changing, addressing) poverty.